I happen to ask myself this question a hundred times everyday. Every time I do this and try to come up with some totally support-less and naive philosophy, I go blank. It’s been years for me listening and gulping down the hot burning motivational speeches and skin wrenching words of the people. As if for me, I happen to find so many things in irony, about ourselves. I find it hard, very hard for myself to not involve in very deep thinking about this life and all my useless and pointless unanswered questions. And the world, doesn’t fail anytime in reminding me that all am doing is wasting my time.
Consider this blog, for example, I absolutely have no greed of reaching millions and making millions through it. What this blog has become for me and my co-author Rayon is just a manuscript that these are or used to be our thoughts. Now this is again pointless, right? Imagining, dreaming, fantasizing and thinking to the mind numbing extremes is what my life has been for the past 4-5 years. And in the eyes of this world, where you need name, money, job and people to define you, all am defined by is just my thoughts. These vague, baseless, aimless, crap thoughts.
Being almost 22, I still believe that someday something terrifying yet magical will happen that will change my life forever. That will actually settle the tsunami in my brain. That I will finally be at peace. You do know the fun part, it’ll never happen. Because that is yet another of the many limitations of us as a human being. I couldn’t find my ground reality, therefore, am challenging it. The funny thing for me is that we spend our entire lives doing something great for the human race and leaving our trace, knowing that fact that at any moment we would be just edged off in this vast multi-verse leaving no trace of us. All the hard work of thousands of years gone to waste, in a second.
But that’s really depressing, isn’t it? Well there’s a bright part to it as well. Give us another 100 years and we might finally be able to reach or contact aliens. And maybe then, we can die together. What this life is, where does the gateway of hell or heaven opens or where do you go when you’re put in your grave? I am not meant to have these answers. And therefore, people ask me to do what am programmed to do. You really think you’re free, don’t you. Do tell me if you would have been doing all the good for humankind if that would not have given you happiness. We are made to feel happy when other is happy because of us. This seems so cool and pleasing, but why?
How do you know that the inmates of the mental asylum and all those who gave up on their lives didn’t see a whole new perspective of life? Sometimes, it really feels like somebody is playing hunger games with us. You know, killing, loving, inventing stuff, getting happy and sad, and all over again while somebody above gets entertained. Sometimes makes too much sense.
As of me, I know by now you’ve declared me a complete psychopath because I am not aware of this world and it’s shit and it’s reality. For me, that is not the reality. When the world was shouting in my ears and saying ‘be different’, I am made into someone who doesn’t want to do anything until I am the only one who can do it. And that is why am called a failure, and it seems am slowly making peace with it.
Images Source : Google (What else!)